Cat Haikus

You never feed me.
Perhaps I'll sleep on your face.
That will sure show you.

You must scratch me there!
Yes, above my tail! Behold,
elevator butt.

I need a new toy.
tail of black dog keeps good time.
pounce! good dog! good dog!

The rule for today:
Touch my tail, I shred your hand.
New rule tomorrow.

In deep sleep hear sound;
cat vomit hairball somewhere.
Will find in morning

Grace personified,
I leap into the window.
I meant to do that.

Blur of motion. then--
Silence, me, a paper bag.
What is so funny?

The mighty hunter
Returns with gifts of plump birds--
Your foot just squashed one.

You're always typing.
Well, let's see you ignore my
sitting on your hands.

My small cardboard box.
You cannot see me if I
can just hide my head.

Terrible battle.
Fought for hours. Come and see!
What's a "term paper?"

Kitty like plastic.
Confuses for litter box.
Don't leave tarp around.

Small brave carnivores
kill pine cones and mosquitoes
Fear vacuum cleaner

Want to trim my claws?
Don't even think about it!
My yelps will wake dead.

I want to be close
to you. Can I fit my head
inside your armpit?

Wanna go outside.
Oh, shit! Help! I got outside!
Let me back inside!

Oh no! The Big One
has been trapped by newspaper!
Cat to the rescue!

Humans are so strange.
Mine lies still in bed, then screams!
My claws aren't that sharp. . .

Cats meow out of angst
Thumbs! If only we had thumbs!
We could break so much!"

The Big Ones snore now.
Every room is dark and cold.
Time for "Cup Hockey"

We're almost equals.
I purr to show I love you.
Want to smell my butt?

Cat Haikus from http://monster-island.org/tinashumor/humor/cathaiku.html

Stories from San Diego: Theodore's Treasures

Meet Theodore (aka Theo).


Theo is Brett's parent's cat. Theo has a little bit too much free time on his hands. He should maybe consider taking up a hobby like woodworking or pottery or perhaps volunteering somewhere. Theodore likes to occupy his time by collecting random objects from around the house and stashing them in his food bowl. It can be anything really-hair ties, bobby pins, pens, etc.-but for some reason it seems like it's usually my stuff. On our most recent trip, I woke up one morning to find my eyelash curler in the cat food bowl.


Like I said, Theo: you need a hobby.