Friday, June 24, 2011

Adventures in Mommyhood

*Warning- This post is about barf.  If you do not wish to read about barf, stop reading now*

Oh, what a morning!  It all started off well enough.  Hailey woke up a little early for my taste, but what else is new.  I was even blessed with a napping baby  while I got dressed and hair and makeup-ed (it’s a word) for our outing this morning. 

Fast forward to me driving down a busy street in Chandler.  Baby starts coughing in the back seat.  Nothing out of the ordinary so far. Coughing happens.  I start to talk to her and reassure her as I always do thinking that will be the end of it.  Well, baby keeps coughing… no, wait a minute, baby is choking A quick glance into my mirror and I see that my baby is barfing buckets and buckets and buckets of spitup-it  JUST. KEEPS. COMING.- and baby is now choking. Enter mommy panic attack. 

So, I quickly pull off the road, hop out of the car and rush to my baby’s aid.  I am fortunate that I did not break something due to quickly and simultaneously braking, putting the car in park, and setting the parking break (force of habit).  By the time I get to her she of course has already sorted out the whole choking situation.  

Enter problem #2:  Barf.  Lots and lots of barf.  Barf on her face, barf ALL down the front of her dress, barf on the carseat.  Barf everywhere.  My first thought:  “Oh, I can just wipe it up, it’s fine.”  Second thought:  “Oh, no I can’t.  I did not know babies could ever possibly barf that much.”  

But, never fear!  We’ll just change clothes!  We are only around the corner from our destination and we will just use the spare onesie that I always have on hand and change into that!  That would work perfectly.  That is if the onesie were in my bag where it always is except for today.  Crap.  

I ask myself if we should go home, but no.  We both got up, got dressed, and drove a half hour to get here.  That’s no small feat with a four month old.  We’re going.  

So there I am in Chandler, no clue where ANYTHING is but I figure there must be a Walgreens, a Wal Mart, or if we’re really lucky a Target somewhere in the vicinity where I can buy a onesie.  As luck would have it, there was a Wal Mart across the street from the coffee house we were going in the first place.  Score!  Things are beginning to look up.  

We pull into our parking space and I go to get the barf covered baby.  Now, what am I going to do with the barf covered soaked baby between now and when we get our new onesie?

I shall wear her!  Nope, you don’t really want barf on your Moby, do you?  

I shall carry her!  Nope, too much barf.  

I shall wipe her off and then carry her!  Nope, not possible.  You’re screwed.  

I shall carry her in her carseat until I get a onesie! (Ironic since we were on our way to a babywearing meeting).  Nope!  Still too much barf. 

Have I mentioned that I’m a huge sympathy barfer?  You have no idea the amount of willpower it took for me to not contribute to the situation.  Not a good scene for me.
Well, that settles it.  The dress has got to go.
So, there I am walking through Wal Mart looking like a hillbilly carrying my baby that is wearing a diaper and only a diaper.  We locate a onesie and grab a bottle of water because I have had no breakfast at this point (its after 10 am) and did not bring a beverage because we were supposed to be at the coffee place 30 minutes ago.
In typical Wal Mart fashion there were only two checkout lanes open and at least half a dozen people in line ahead of us.  Listen up, people:  If there is ever a frazzled looking mom standing in line holding a half naked baby and buying a onesie and not a bunch of other stuff, just let her go ahead of you.  The universe will thank you later.
Finally, 45 minutes later we arrive at the coffee shop around the corner from where this whole episode began in the first place.  I am wearing my Moby because, you know, we are going to a babywearing meeting; but because it was 110 degrees today, it is hotter than H-E-double hockey sticks in that thing.  So, in another fit of irony, I remove my babywearing device the minute I get to my babywearing meeting.
Now we are off to take baths.  And hose off a carseat.
Hope your morning was less eventful than mine! 


Adolescent Family said...

Oh NO! I hate barf! I'm so sorry! So glad you did make your meeting and hope that it was worth it :) good job getting all ready and out the door looking fabulous!

Brooke said...


Congrats on making it through and I wish you much distance between this and your next barftastrophe.

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