*Warning- This post is about barf. If you do not wish to read about barf, stop
reading now*
Oh, what a morning!
It all started off well enough.
Hailey woke up a little early for my taste, but what else is new. I was even blessed with a napping baby while I got dressed and hair and makeup-ed (it’s
a word) for our outing this morning.
Fast forward to me driving down a busy street in Chandler. Baby starts coughing in the back seat. Nothing out of the ordinary so far. Coughing
happens. I start to talk to her and
reassure her as I always do thinking that will be the end of it. Well, baby keeps coughing… no, wait a minute,
baby is choking. A
quick glance into my mirror and I see that my baby is barfing buckets and
buckets and buckets of spitup-it JUST.
KEEPS. COMING.- and baby is now choking. Enter mommy panic attack.
So, I quickly pull off the road, hop out of the car and rush
to my baby’s aid. I am fortunate that I
did not break something due to quickly and simultaneously braking, putting the
car in park, and setting the parking break (force of habit). By the time I get to her she of course has
already sorted out the whole choking situation.
Enter problem #2:
Barf. Lots and lots of barf. Barf on her face, barf ALL down the front of
her dress, barf on the carseat. Barf everywhere. My first thought: “Oh, I can just wipe it up, it’s fine.” Second thought: “Oh, no I can’t. I did not know babies could ever possibly
barf that much.”
But, never fear!
We’ll just change clothes! We are
only around the corner from our destination and we will just use the spare
onesie that I always have on hand and
change into that! That would work
perfectly. That is if the onesie were in
my bag where it always is except for
today. Crap.
I ask myself if we should go home, but no. We both got up, got dressed, and drove a half
hour to get here. That’s no small feat
with a four month old. We’re going.
So there I am in Chandler, no clue where ANYTHING is but I
figure there must be a Walgreens, a Wal Mart, or if we’re really lucky a Target
somewhere in the vicinity where I can buy a onesie. As luck would have it, there was a Wal Mart
across the street from the coffee house we were going in the first place. Score!
Things are beginning to look up.
We pull into our parking space and I go to get the barf
covered baby. Now, what am I going to do
with the barf covered soaked baby between now and when we get our new onesie?
I shall wear her!
Nope, you don’t really want barf on your
Moby, do you?
I shall carry her! Nope, too much barf.
I shall wipe her off and then carry her! Nope, not possible. You’re screwed.
I shall carry her in her carseat until I get a onesie!
(Ironic since we were on our way to a
babywearing meeting). Nope!
Still too much barf.
Have I mentioned that I’m a huge sympathy barfer? You have no idea the amount of willpower it
took for me to not contribute to the situation.
Not a good scene for me.
Well, that settles it.
The dress has got to go.
So, there I am walking through Wal Mart looking like a hillbilly carrying my baby that is wearing
a diaper and only a diaper. We locate a onesie and grab a bottle of water because
I have had no breakfast at this point (its after 10 am) and did not bring a
beverage because we were supposed to be at the coffee place 30 minutes ago.
In typical Wal Mart fashion there were only two checkout
lanes open and at least half a dozen people in line ahead of us. Listen up, people: If there is ever a frazzled looking mom
standing in line holding a half naked baby and buying a onesie and not a bunch
of other stuff, just let her go ahead of you.
The universe will thank you later.
Finally, 45
minutes later we arrive at the coffee shop around the corner from where this whole episode began in the first place. I am wearing my Moby because, you know, we are going to a babywearing
meeting; but because it was 110 degrees today, it is hotter than H-E-double
hockey sticks in that thing. So, in another
fit of irony, I remove my babywearing device the minute I get to my babywearing
meeting.
Now we are off to take baths. And hose off a carseat.
Hope your morning was less eventful than mine!